I Love Baby Einsten!!

Life at home with Jackson is so wonderful and easy. Granted, he has decided that he doesn't like to sleep at night and would instead prefer to stay up in Mommy's arms, but other than that, it's a piece of cake. We've started to finally get settled into the life of having a baby, and I think we're doing a pretty good job of it if I do say so myself.

Yesterday, Jackson went to his first ENT office visit, and the ENT talked about how impressed he is with Jackson's progress. He said that the majority of babies of he sees with vocal cord paralysis go home on feeding tubes and really struggle to feed safely. Jackson is home, before his due date, taking 8 bottles a day like a champ! He said that that was a very good sign. We'll go back to see him in two months for another check-up. :)

Today, we went to Target to pick up our pictures from last week. They look so amazing! I'm so happy with how they turned out. We also picked up some new hats for Jackson and Kohls and a new shirt for me! Because of my overactive thyroid, I've lost so much weight that I"m not thinner than I was before I had Jackson. So, none of my clothes fit! I'm trying to make due with my clothes from before, but everything seems to swallow me whole or be too big in some sections. I'm not going to lie... I feel like I look like a hobo sometimes. But, from what I understand, what new mom doesn't? :)

I'm super excited about my friend Idarah's baby shower tomorrow. Her son Kaden was Jackson's neighbor in the NICU. He was born in June at 23 weeks and 6 days. He is such a cutie and is the toughest little guy in the world. I'm in awe of his parents who keep their chin up throughout this tough journey and always keep their faith. I often looked to Idarah for inspiration while we were in the NICU with Jackson. I'm so excited to be joining her and her family to celebrate the 2nd cutest baby in the whole world tomorrow (Jackson, of course, is the cutest). :)

In other news, Jackson LOVES Baby Einstein. I let him watch one episode a day, and he seems to be mesmorized by the TV! There is a little puppet yellow jacket on the screen that makes cooing noises and Jackson loves it!! :) It is adorable to watch him watching the TV with such enjoyment, making little noises, and smiling. It's so hard to tear myself away from it to go do laundry, brush my teeth, or even just sit in the room quietly by myself for 30 seconds. :)

Life here is wonderful. I can't even begin to thank each of you diligent readers enough for your thoughts and prayers throughout this tough journey. I am so thankful to be home, and yet, my heart goes out to all of the families still in the NICU, at Childrens, or stuck in HRP. I often wish there was more I could do for all of the families still stuck in the trenches, day in and day out thinking about O2 saturation, weight gain, or trophic feeds. It still doesn't seem quite real that my baby is safe, at home, and doing so well.

With love,
Anna

Being a Mom

Over the last few days, I've had a number of my really good friends going through tough situations in their personal lives. For each of these friends, I've listened, tried to be a source of encouragement, and prayed, hard, for thing to work out to their satisfaction. The toughest part of everything is that our satisfaction isn't always what is easiest or most pleasant in the short run. Sometimes, we have to endure difficult situations, deal with people we have a hard time handling, or confront our own actions and the actions of other people without knowing what the "right" thing to do is.

Becoming a mom has really showed me that the "right" thing is different for everybody and every situation. Thinking back to our "scary talk" with the neonatologist before Jackson was born reminds me exactly how important knowing what is "right" for me is different than what is "right" for someone else. The doctor explained to Ryan and I exactly what our odds were for having a healthy, no complications baby born anywhere from 24 to 34 weeks were and asked us "do you want us to do everything we can to save your son not knowing what the outcome may be?" At the time, Ryan and I knew that our answer was "Yes!" and looking at my perfect, wonderful, healthy son laying on his Daddy's chest right now, I know that we made the right decision. Despite the long, frustrating journey we endured in the hospital, I have no doubt that we made the right decision. That being said, becoming a mom has taught me that another person in that same hospital room could have, for whatever reason, made a different decision and that would have been "right" for his/her family.

The point is, I've learned that I can't be as judgmental as I once was. People make the best decision for themselves at the time they make it. We are influenced by many things. From the outside looking in, or even the inside looking in, we may not understand their decisions, we may not like the situation, but in the end, we must find a way to do what is best for ourselves, and now, for our little ones. Since welcoming Jackson into the world, I've become an adult and with this step comes certain responsibilities. Looking at his beautiful face, I know that I wouldn't trade a moment of being an adult for anything.

With love,
Anna

A Very Busy Day.... after a very sleepless night.

Last night was an extremely sleepless night for Ryan and I. I'm having a very difficult time working out an overnight schedule where I can feed and change Jackson every there hours and pump every four. Let me tell you...it isn't possible if sleep needs to be in the mix too. I think, as annoying as it is going to be, that I'm going to start pumping every three hours again. That way I will eliminate the up and down routine and can sleep without waking up in pain. ::sigh:: Ryan had a bit of a sleepless night last night because Jackson decided to not only pee and poop all over Ryan, his clothes, the changing table, and the wall, but then to refuse to go back to sleep after Ryan cleaned him up. In addition to that, Jackson's apnea monitor kept going off because of the leads kept coming off so after the third false alarm we changed the lead. The company told us to reuse the heart leads for a week straight, but obviously, that isn't going to work!

Today was a very busy day for us. We went to our first pediatrician visit (I LOVE MY PEDIATRICIAN!!). Jackson, of course, got a clean bill of health and she kept commenting on how good he looks!! :) My little man weighed in at 6 pounds 5 ounces (with his diaper on, so take away a little bit) and is now 19 1/4 inches long! :) We are going back to see her in two weeks.

This afternoon we went to Jackson's eye doctor for an eye exam. He is getting eye exams to check for Retinopathy of Prematurity (where the blood vessels in the eye don't grow correctly). Luckily, all of his eye exams have come back normal. I held Jackson for this eye exam and it was a nightmare!! He cried and cried and cried. They had to hold his eyes open with these metal clamp-like things. It was sooo hard! As soon as it was over I gave him lots of kisses and helped console him. The doctor kept saying, "He's doing a great job! Babies are usually screaming their heads off!" The problem with that statement: MY BABY CAN'T SCREAM HIS HEAD OFF BECAUSE OF THE VOCAL CORD PARALYSIS!! He cried the loudest I have ever heard before. Granted, it isn't all out full-term baby crying, but it was really loud for him. After I calmed him down, which surprisingly only took a minute or so, he laid in my arms and slept until we were ready to go. It's amazing how my kisses and hugs can calm him down so quickly. It's a really special feeling. The eye doctor wants to see him back again in two weeks, and this time is sending us home with a prescription for the eye drops to dialate his eyes at home. Today it took two hours to get his eyes ready, and we were just sitting there waiting. :(

The next few days should be very quiet and peaceful at home. We don't have to go out again until his ENT appointment on Thursday. Thank goodness for peace and quiet.

BTW: Having him home is still the most wonderful thing in the whole world. :)

With love,
Anna

Happiest Days of my Life

The past two days have been the happiest days of my life. Having Jackson home is simply incredible. Life with him, the cats, and Ryan is so easy. I asked Ryan yesterday if having a newborn home was supposed to be this easy, and he said that he didn't think so.

Jackson essentially just sleeps, eats, and poops and that's okay. Yesterday while we were making dinner I put him in his bouncer next to the TV and played some Baby Einstein for him. HE LOVED IT! He kept looking at the TV and making little noises. It was the cutest thing ever!

On Friday, we went to Target's Portrait Studio and had professional pictures taken. They are so beautiful! Here are two of my favorites:





The bottom one parallels my first baby, Kitty, who passed away over a year ago and Jackson. Kitty was always there for me during all of the infertility treatments, the losses, and during the time when we were told we'd never have children. She really became my baby. When she passed away, I her favorite blanket in half and buried her in half and kept half for me to sleep with. This picture is Jackson wrapped in my half of the blanket with Kitty's picture. Love it! :)

Speaking of cats, our cats are remarkably not interested in Jackson. Hannah, Jacob, Grace, Miss Brooks, and Mario have all looked at him, but they have decided they could care less about him. I always told people that would be the way it was but no one believed me. :)

I'm going to go wash bed linens and get ready for the day. Ryan's parents are arriving today to visit so I want to make sure my house is at least somewhat presentable. We have big plans for tonight... today is Hannah's 13th birthday so we're having a catnip party later! :)

With love,
Anna

We're Home!!

Hi everyone! I'm so happy to announce that Jackson was discharged from the hospital today, and we are now home! I don't have much time tonight to post pictures and other exciting tidbits from the day, but I just wanted to make sure to share the good news with you! I've been waiting two days to announce it to the world! Tomorrow once we've settled in I'll post all types of fun details!!

Love to all!

Anna

Holding My Breath

Hi everyone...

just wanted to let y'all know that big things are in the works for the next few days. I don't want to jinx anything, but stay tuned!!

Big News:
1. Jackson is still off the cannula.
2. Jackson is still taking all of his bottles.
3. Jackson passed his carseat test yesterday.
4. Jackson is getting his circumcision today.

With lots of love,
Anna

Room Air!!!

I have an endocrinologist appointment this morning, but I wanted to post a quick update for all...

JACKSON'S OFF THE CANNULA AND ON ROOM AIR!!

He is also taking all of his bottles (10 minutes each overnight!) and is doing exceptionally well. I gave him a bath yesterday, and of course, he loved the spa treatment! We could be home next week! :)

Stats:
Weight: 6 pounds 1 ounce
Respiratory: Off respiratory support, breathing on his own, doing well! No more cannula!
Feeds: 8 bottles per day, 45-50 cc each, no desats during feeds. No more feeding tube!

Goals:
1. Stay off nasal cannula.
2. Complete carseat test and pass! (It's an angle tolerance test to see if he can sit in his car seat safely without desating.
3. Get through his circumcision and continue doing well. Keep him feeling comfortable and without pain.
4. Wean off lasix.
5. COME HOME SOON!!

With love,
Anna