Desperately Wanting to Reunite My Family

Today, the last week really hit me. I spent almost every moment I could sleeping and then tonight, I had my first good cry. I think what finally made me so emotional was waving to Jackson and Ryan leaving the hospital as Ryan drove them away. I so desperately wanted to be in the car with them and Parker. Part of me feels terribly guilty because our possible one to two week stay here in the NICU is nothing compared to what some families go through (or even what we went through with Jackson), and yet, I want to be out of here ASAP and reunite my family. I desperately want to find some sense of routine and normalcy for the boys. I know we'll have it very soon, but I'm just tired of waiting.
I'm also mourning not being pregnant anymore. It's crazy because I hated being pregnant, but I do miss feeling Parker moving inside of me and that special bond. I am very happy though that he is here and healthy after all of the months of worrying. I'm also excited to be able to go home to Jackson and wrestle and play with him without being limited by my pregnancy. I am looking forward to being a mom to two small children and just having fun with my boys.
Parker is doing especially well today. He has taken three full feedings today by mouth (two by nursing, one by bottle) and is actively waking up ready to eat. That's a very good sign! The doctor this morning said he'd probably be under the phototherapy lights for his jaundice for 3-4 days. He's already looking so much better already. They are doing another blood test thing morning to check the status of his jaundice.

This whole experience has made me fall in love all over again with Ryan. He is the best support person I've ever known. Tonight, I told him that I needed him to get some sleep because I wasn't firing on all cylinders and I needed him to be. Without blinking, he assured me that he'd be there for me and for our family. How did I get so lucky?

So, overall, life is good. I'm just looking forward to it becoming amazing once we're all together again. :)

With lots of love,
Anna