"I think my baby is just cranky"

Today is one of those days where I wish everyone would just listen to me when it comes to Jackson. I just want to tell the world "Mommy knows best".

The doctor, who I adore, called me around 10 am this morning to give me the daily update. She said that Jackson is doing exceptionally well, and they are going to go down to High Flow 3 today. I was shocked!! I thought it would at least be a few more days before he was ready to try High Flow 3 because he had been requiring 30 percent or a little more on his oxygen. So, I was super excited!

When I called around noon this afternoon, the nurse said that Jackson was doing okay on high flow 3 and she would see me around 2:00. I was feeling pretty confident that we were on the up and up.

At 2 pm when I got there, the nurse said she had made an executive decision to move Jackson back to High Flow 4 because he had been desating and didn't seem ready. She said she and the RT had been shocked that the doctor moved him to three and decided that Jackson wasn't ready. I was overwhelmed, surprised, and confused! If the nurse had moved him back to 4 only because he was desating, I wasn't okay with that. I felt like they should have increased his oxygen first. In addition, I know my son. He desats. That's just what he does. If they are looking to keep him between 85 and 94 without him desating and highsating they are in for a rude awakening....it'll never happen.

Looking back to a few weeks ago, I would be terribly troubled everytime he went below 85 on his oxygen saturation. I would feel like it was a personal failure and that it was one more sign we would never go home. Today, I realized how far my patience has come.... I don't even flinch if he is 70 percent or above.

Back to the story: so Ryan called and spoke to the doctor and learned that High Flow is very different from Bubble CPAP... it's a trial and error game. They can go up and down frequently just to see if he's ready to be weaned. Otherwise, there isn't a really good way to tell when he's ready to wean down. So, the up and down will be our story for the next few weeks. ::sigh:: I wish I had known that before I walked in at 2pm. I just wasn't prepared!!

For the remainder of the day, I sat with Jackson and read Twilight to him. Jackson twisted, turned, moved his arms in every position, arched his back, stuck his butt in the air, and essentially tried to get in every position. He would desat, high sat, desat, highsat, desat. The nurse, who was a competent nurse but just didn't know Jackson and his "attention-seeking behavior" kept fussing with his oxygen and seemed worried about him. I finally looked at her and said, "He's fine. Really. I think my baby is just cranky and can't get into a comfy position. We've made so many changes the last few days, and I think he's just trying to let us know he's had enough!" Of course, she looked at me like I had three heads and couldn't possibly know what I was talking about. I simply wanted to tell her, "Look. I've sat at this bed everyday since he was born. I know Jackson better than anyone. That, my friend, is his mad face, I know it because I make the same mad face, and he just wants some peace and quiet." :)

So, all in all, today, I just had a cranky baby.

Current Stats:
Weight: 3 pounds 11 ounces!
Respiratory: High Flow Nasal Cannula 4. Requiring 28-35 percent oxygen.
Feeds: Full feeds (27 cc every three hours) Yea! We went up another cc!

Goals:
1. Successfully tolerate High Flow 3!
2. Require less than 30 percent oxygen.
3. Keep on growing!!! 4 pounds by Monday! :)

With love,
Anna